Many people are of the opinion that sharing your past with your spouse could put your relationship/marriage in jeopardy. So the question thrown to the public is: Should you share your past before marriage and when is it too late to share one’s past with their spouse?
Your View’s Morayo asked her co-hosts: “when is the best time to share your past with your spouse in marriage ?”
She opened the conversation by asking if it was right for a lady to open up on her past before marriage? Or take the risk of opening up and embracing what comes after.
Mariam Longe said it all depends on the past you want to share. If the past is affecting you emotionally, mentally or psychologically, then it’s best you share. Because it could affect your intimacy with your husband in marriage. But if you are not affected in anyway and your husband can’t find out through another source, then it’s best you do not share!
She also mentioned her own experience where she sought the opinion of her husband in sharing her past, to which he replied: ‘don’t share your burden or put it on me if it doesn’t affect our marriage, especially when you feel no guilt’.
Tope Mark Odigie shared her own view by quoting a Yoruba adage ~ ‘ He who would bury you, you don’t hide your body from them. So it’s not fair to hide your past from someone you want to get married to. Once it’s time to get married, don’t withhold anything they should know.’
It is safe to share your past with your husband before marriage, especially if your past happens to be an ugly one. It will be so unfair to him if he gets to find out about your past after marriage from another source, because eventually he might find out. If your past is shared with your husband before marriage, you fear nothing whenever he hears anything from the outside, it builds the trust in your marriage.
If you are of the opinion not to share your past with your husband because you feel he can’t handle it, then he isn’t fit to be your husband in the first place.
Nyma Akashat however brought a new twist to the discussion. According to her, the situation isn’t an easy one, but it is best to share your past with your husband when the time is right and you are ready. Because sometimes when you share your past before marriage, you might not get the opportunity to be well known by your spouse in that marriage. So if he knows you better before sharing, it will make him trust you more and create a better understanding in your marriage.
Tope also came into the conversation with the opinion that we should place a perspective of what to share: Is it a rape experience, sexual abuse by a relative, several abortions, fertility issues, past relationships??? With all these in mind, I disagree with those that say it isn’t everything that they share in their marriage.
My question is ‘when are we to draw the boundaries of the things we should keep away in marriage?
Mariam responded: ‘there are certain things most people haven’t dealt with on their own before sharing and most of them can’t even share with their own parents who love them unconditionally, let alone sharing with their spouse.
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